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Author Topic: Today  (Read 3217 times)

Offline snoogans.

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Today
« on: December 19, 2016, 02:10:44 AM »
I woke up, late tonight. An hour at least from when I told Gerbil and Psy I would sleep. I woke up to a panic attack that left me balling my eyes out confused.

I am scared of losing my mother, the only thing I have other than a GF and 2 irl friends. I see it coming from a mile away considering a current infection she has near her breast left some doctors thinking she has a great chance of having breast cancer. Late stage that is. Growing up with a single mom was pretty cool, so losing her would probably mentally toss me over the edge. The only other closest person I had is dying of cancer as I type this. I am going to seem him soon. My grandmother, who is just as close as my mother is slipping down the road of Alzheimer's. She will call me 3 different names before getting it right, forgets stuff in plain sight, forgets things after 15 minutes on occasions and tends to lose track of time. Scares me. I have no future outside of high school, and looking at the class I am taking now, which is a CP class, I am not sure it is what I want or will want later in life. Sociology and Psychology are fun as hell, but I am trying to think what will do best say 15-20 years from now. The main thing that scares me.. is losing what friends I have here, and what close people I already have. My pops is growing weaker and more irritable, which is something he use to never worry about, something I never used to worry about.

Lemme let out some demons too. I have started smoking pot. I take a bit of Adderall from time to time, and I have started drinking a bit too. Nothing to be proud of, nothing I will be proud of. It helps quiet the loud and growing thoughts of my future, and the future of my family members - All things that seem to be negative at this point. I am scared not only of my body growing a dependency, or my body getting more immune to the high (requiring a stronger drug), but the drug dealers and people who I associate with that can possibly turn a new leaf on me and possibly kill me. I feel like a cornered dog right now, scared to move or think of making a move.

I may have made a post of who I am, but this is the life I live. This is something I need help with. This post meaning to vent out my emotions. I have stopped crying now, only down to a few sniffles. SS is my only family at this point. I cherish my moments with my mother, my grandmother, and my grandfather. Same for my irl friends that I know will leave after high school.

Please leave no hate. This is just a venting process I think I needed to go through and that is important to me or anyone else who is invested in such a boring life.
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Offline Psy

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Re: Today
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2016, 02:42:12 AM »
I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. Words alone cannot help you, but if ever you need someone to talk to, you know I'm always here.

Again, sorry you have to go through all this.
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Offline Peter Capaldi's Peter Capaldi

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Re: Today
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2016, 11:22:57 AM »
Ya, man that's brutal. :( Be brave, speak out and get to a place that can help you. Talking with us is just the first step. Keep goin'! I believe in you.
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